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Pages: what to do? [1]
Author Topic: What to do?
hughbanks

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2011-02-08 18-01-05

what to do? this is a long story and I am very new to this discussion thang i have been with the same girl for about 2.5 yrs and she has been less than honest a number of times, but as of late she has lied about having people to our home and I feel she is still hiding stuff, she keeps saying she has cut the low life co workers out her life but they still as if they are some sort of long lost friends... i guess more details may be needed, let see there is a young woman with 2 and a finacec who is sleeping with of the guys at this job and another woman who has been hitting on my woman from the get go even though she knows I exsit??? and these are the people she had to our home when I was in cali on biz and then lied about it i have had words with all of them and the cheating mom still finds the need to here???
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aloyse

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2011-02-10 5-44-14-

trust your gut
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  • regis

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    2011-02-10 11-30-35

    she should respect your feelings of being uncomfortable with these people... if she's giving you lip service that she has cut ties, but is still seeing/contacting them that is not acceptable. You deserve better treatment than that.... tell her as much, and tell her you are going to find someone who does treat you better... she is behaving in a way that is toxic to your relationship and you might just have to get out of it even if it hurts...
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    conception

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    2011-02-11 4-14-53-

    it sounds like she doesn't like any of her gfs friends. i don't hink her her gf should repect her feelings, i think it should be the other way around. she probably lied b/c gk freaks out all of the time.
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    reichlin

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    2011-02-12 18-56-13

    i find that a cop out this is a long story and I am very new to this discussion thang i have been with the same girl for about 2.5 yrs and she has been less than honest a number of times, but as of late she has lied about having people to our home and I feel she is still hiding stuff, she keeps saying she has cut the low life co workers out her life but they still as if they are some sort of long lost friends... i guess more details may be needed, let see there is a young woman with 2 and a finacec who is sleeping with of the guys at this job and another woman who has been hitting on my woman from the get go even though she knows I exsit??? and these are the people she had to our home when I was in cali on biz and then lied about it i have had words with all of them and the cheating mom still finds the need to here???
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  • firebaugh

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    2011-02-17 1-09-49-

    i agree that you are controlling. she should be able to have whoever she wants as her friend, as well as have them to her house. you sound jealous, controlling, critical, and judgemental.
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  • muzio

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    2011-03-04 0-34-05-

    but the gf LIED to her about NOT seeing them any more. That takes her down a few notches. If they were just disagreeing about whether gf should see them or not, I would say you ahve to comprimise. but the fact that gf SAID she would stop but ISNT is the issue and that's a bad sign.
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    prosper

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    2011-03-05 17-43-08

    sometimes people lie when they are involved with controllers. control can amount to abuse, and lies can be a defense.
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    shifrin

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    2011-03-17 21-49-49

    i think some people lie even when the truth is better.. she says im controling and i think i am always right... i admit i prefer her to work and help pay the bills and help clean the house.. and no I don't like her hanging with liers and cheats nor do i like her bringing them to our home and lying about it...
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    baisch

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    2011-04-15 17-07-17

    i'm sure you find something wrong with all of her friends.
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  • pyles

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    2011-07-03 3-43-03-

    oh, well that is understandable too much drama!
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  • Harpal

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    2011-08-08 4-02-45-

    you could just tell the woman Hey, I'm not a big fan of you, but you're my wife's friend so i'm going to cut you some slack. I'm trying not to judge your decisions in life, but it's really hard when you include my household in them. I really wish you wouldn't involve us in your drama. Please find some other place to tell your husband that you are at night. Otherwise, the next time he s here looking for you because you told him you were here, I'll have to tell him where to find you.
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  • jurkiewicz

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    2011-09-07 8-53-35-

    if that time had come and gone, you wouldn't be here now complaining. Cheating is not the same as being a racist. I don't personally believe in cheating, but I can't make decisions for other people and i don't try to force my way of thinking on people. It's their life to screw up. Being a racist is completely different and the way you handle it is with education because you still can't force others to think the way you do. Cheating is not a way of thinking, but an action, even if it's considered a wrong by you. The fact that she brings you into her shit is what should be your problem with her. The fact that you judge her for her dicisions should be your problem with yourself. Maybe you should soul search on that. You don't always lie down with dogs and wake up with flees. If all of our friends always made the right decisions, they wouldn't be human and neither would you.
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  • heth

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    2011-11-07 7-59-18-

    doc has a point but still It's not that black and white an issue, you have to decide whether or not being with her, with this behavior she is showing, is comprimising your standards, or if it's something you can live with. Me personally, I'd tell her to have a nice life. But we all have personality quirks... to continue the analogy, we are all dogs with a few fleas, it just depends on how many more you're willing to pick up from other people.
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    depietro

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    2011-12-12 10-40-50

    cheating is an action not a way of thinking??? . I am sorry you feel this is complaining again I was looking for some feed back and I appreciate your point of view, that was the point to get other points of view and to try and dig deeper into this with outsiders to tell the truth I have been too ashamed of the whole mess to share this with most of our friends.
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  • hnat

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    2012-01-22 1-41-21-

    good point and also, when you judge someone by the color of their skin, you are judging not only out of your own ignorance, but for something that they were born as. when you judge a cheater by their actions, you are judging their mistakes, something that they can change. also, mistakes are human. we all make them. you made really good points about confronting people who always bring drama. by forcing the gf to stop the friendship against her own will, not only is she causing resentment and being controlling, she is creating more drama. if the cheater doesn't stop involving people in her drama, then the gf should no longer welcome her for extended visits in the home.
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  • Clovis

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    2012-03-22 17-28-55

    Your gf is right, you are controlling and this is why: You've decided that because these people are the types of people you don't want in your life they can't be in your gf's life either. You don't have to be around them. Your gf has a right to choose whether she wants to them in her life or not. Since your gf works with these people she needs to figure out what's best for her to not cause drama at work. This is her decision to make, not yours. Your telling her what to do is controlling her by telling her what she can and cannot do in her home and is potentially making problems for her at her work place as well. It also doesn't sound like you trust her judgement. Just because you don't like what her coworkers do with their lives doesn't mean she has to feel the same way. Ultimately, her friendship with these people is only effecting your relationship because you are telling her not to spend time with these people. As an anon poster said, she is most likely lying to as a result of your trying to control her. Couples therapy might help youfigure out the dynamics in your relationship.
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  • cabiness

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    2012-07-06 19-10-45

    but gk is being dragged into the drama at points like the xam phone s where she has to tell the cheating woman's husband she's there, when she's not. That is crossing the line as far as I'm concerned. And as for the gf, there's never an excuse for lying. Even if the gf thinks gk is controlling, she needs to address that, not lie. If she's going to lie, of course gk is going to complain.
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    linnane

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    2012-09-30 23-42-13

    i belive in taking what you can from anything and leaving the rest al.. I do believe couples counseling would help. and again I was not thecomplaining about them she came home every night after getting a ride from them complaining about how it took x hrs to do a x min trip cause thosewhere fin around yes yes yes I took on her shit but when it came to this girls man ing us at all hrs and her boyfriend ing to tell us to cover...and then there is the danger thing we are talking about x yrs olds and tempers not sure but I have worked with domestic violence after being in a shelter and hurt angry men are very dangerous and that stats for this happening with in Latin households run very high and this guy knows where I live...
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  • umberger

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    2012-10-23 8-37-44-

    good point but some people are just liars, and they will try and tell you that you're controlling just so they can get away with bullshit. Go with your gut, but keep your eyes open to yourself too.
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  • patnaude

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    2012-12-10 11-45-55

    I have to agree that she seems kinda judgemental and controlling and that even if it might be slightly a cop out to use that as an excuse for lying about seeing your friends, i can see the reasoning behind it. My stepdad didn't like any of my mom's male friends (people who had been family friends since before he'd been there and i was close with as well).of them was my pen pal and it had to be in secret because my stepdad wouldn't let my mom or me talk to him. It sucked because they weren't doing anything. This guy had been a friend of my dad's before he died. He was an artist (retired trucker by then who could devote all the time he wanted to it) who totally supported my work and encouraged me to do great things. In my life, he's beenof the only people who has really seemed to validate my work. My mom would see him, but we'd tell my stepdad something else because he wouldn't have understanded. Now, i understand that this girl don't want her gf hanging out with people who are constantly hitting on her, but what business of her's is it if some wife cheated on her husband etc. That just sounds a bit judgemental on her part. These are the gf's friends so it shouldn't matter what she thinks about them as long as they aren't hurting the gf or stealing her stuff.
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  • huckle

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    2013-02-03 21-04-41

    (understanded?)
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    heywood

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    2013-02-11 4-18-03-

    thank you grammar police, i could not have survived without you
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  • bourgault

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    2013-03-23 12-31-46

    i think we are talking apples and elephants here I was not there but I understand that it was painful for you. I am not talking about a long family friend... I am talking about new co workers that she complained about for wks and another co worker who was writing her letters and cards ect and again she came home complaining about the nastiness of the whole thing... I probably coed her on the distaste...and at first I was theopen to everyone hanging out...but she always but them down...as for the lie stuff I know it can be hard to man up and take some heat but shit if I believe I am right then I will stand up for what I believe in... i am woman enough that I don't have to lie...
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    stockinger

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    2013-04-29 22-55-31

    you talk about coming up with apples and oranges, but you don't explain this stuff and then ask for advice. i gave you some based on what you've stated. it seems like you've already made your decisions about things, you just want yes men (or rather yes women) to back you up in your opinions. You want us to say, "oh what a lying bitch, you're totally right, she doesn't respect you, you should break it off" or whatever. When we don't do that right off, that's when you give us more info that supports your side. Why don't you just follow what you're already feeling? Or do you need us to say, "oh what a lying bitch" so that you can feel better about yourself?
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  • alfrey

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    2013-08-18 14-05-16

    sorry, apples and elephants
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  • cavender

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    2013-10-17 21-35-32

    not sure when you joined in i had said i was new to this and did not want to go on and on inrant i was trying to put it out there and get some feed back and then debate a little..
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    rapson

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    2013-10-20 13-23-01

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    Duane

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    2013-11-20 4-44-06-

    I just think that there are more sides to this than is always seen because people only write what they want us to see about them. But anyway, you don't have to worry about me anymore because i'm leaving now. Good luck with your relationship issues and if you feel bad about my opinion on the subject, i apologize. I usually stay pretty nuetral.
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